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September 9, 2000
I have mild asthma. Like you I have an internal support system (sometimes it can help others too, but it's not the same because all that is left are the words to pass on and not the feelings that come with it...even so, it does help, doesn't it?! But I am unable to understand the asthma thing except my own fears and a sense of self-strangulation...I merely abide and await healing because I am helpless about this though it has been a wonderful excuse to seek guidance, in the past in a private way.
I now feel a ripeness...a need to ask for help outwardly...I feel my self to be pressing right against the answer if you see what I mean!
I thank you just for being, answer or no answer!
I think the answer, if there is one, will come from you and through you. If you are pressing up against it, move back just a little, and maybe it will have the space it needs to come through.
If not, be with the pain, and let it bring you to a deeper compassion for yourself and others.
We must all give up the idea that our experience of pain means that we are bad and/or are being punished by God.
I wonder if there is a gift for you in the pain, or perhaps the answer you seek will be found in the pain itself.
I wish you the very best of luck in centering and finding the truth to all of this in your heart.
There is no answer to be found outside of ourselves.
And sometimes there is no answer to be found inside either...We just need to submit to our experience, as gracefully as we can.
Love and blessings.
Paul
September 5, 2000
Hello Paul
For about a year I have been having thoughts in my mind that do not seem to be the same as the thoughts that I normally have. They are difficult to describe. They seem to be from a source that thinks of it's self as God. The messages come when I can manage to keep my mind an absolute blank. I am not at all aware of where the message is headed, it is as big a surprise to me when I hear it as it would be to anyone reading an unfamiliar passage in a book for the first time. If I start to think what is going to come next, the thoughts instantly go away. When I clear my mind, they are back. They often come with the strong urge to write them down. I will include a couple for you to read. I would appreciate your opinion of them. I stopped counting after about 600 pages, so I'm not sure exactly how many I have transcribed.
At first I thought that I was loosing my mind, and I became very frightened. From my German catholic upbringing I had always been told that people who claimed to have these types of experiences were either liars, or they were crazy. This did not leave me feeling to good about the whole experience at first. I took copies of the writings to a psychiatrist, two diferent psychologists, and a catholic priest. Fully expecting to be medicated out of what ever was happening to me. To My surprise none of them told me I was crazy, or even that I was imagining the things that I had written. They each had a little different idea about what was happening. One said that it was my true self speaking, she was a lady of Indian decent. Another said that he thought that it was exactly what it seemed to be. The third said that I wasn't going crazy, she said, it appears as though you are going much saner than the rest of us.
I don't know what to think, this is why I am asking for your advice. Can this be real Paul. It seems to be. If I am somehow making this all up. It is certainly on a subconscious level, as there is no conscious effort on my part to do this. Many of the things that I have written, I have no basis from which to determine if they are true or not. Although I have written nothing that I can actually say for sure, that I know that it isn't true. I have been a bit hesitant to share this material because of my confusion about it. I would be appalled if I ever did anything to mislead anyone about something this important. Please Give me your opinion as I have complete confidence in you after reading some of your material. I would appreciate it if you could answer in an email sent directly to me if it is possible.
No. None of this sounds crazy. Going into the silence and hearing the truth are the essential activities of this spiritual path. it is not surprising that you hear the truth. Indeed, it would be surprising -- if you heart and mind are open -- if you didn't hear the truth.
Messages from the One Essence/Presence are always uplifting, inspiring, centering, encouraging, etc. They do not confuse, baffle, or make it more difficult for us to live a simple, fulfilled life, loving ourselves and others. This is the true goal. If the messages you receive contribute to this, then you are blessed indeed.
Love and blessings to you.
Paul
August 4, 2000
Dear Paul:
I thought you would know that people would want to ask you about your books and thank-you for taking the time to make yourself available. I am 7 months pregnant and very happy with my husband--in fact your books and Neal Donald Walsh, Marianne, the Dali Llama, and many other authors/spiritual people have helped formed an awareness around me that is wonderful. However, your books are simpler than most in the way of delivering the wisdom. I think it is perfect in such a practical way that I started helping my brother and my sister-in-law with your book The Twelve Steps to Forgiveness! We went from yelling and fighting to "wow we need to have a look-see and talk". We are only on chapter 2 but I am also using the book From Ego to Self to form some sort of foundation for good reflection and to help change their patterns. My Mom already sees great change within them and I am becoming more focused because of our discussions. I have only three months before my baby is due and know that I might not get enough info to them before time. I was wondering if you could recommend some tapes to supplement the books we are using--so they could accelerate a little. Thank-you for your books and your kindness!
Forgiveness: Returning to the Original Blessing would make a nice companion to the book. the Crcle of Healing tape is great for guided meditation and energetically attuning to our essence. Opening to christ Consciousness is a great workshop tape. Hope this helps, and thanks for your kind words.
Blessings,
Paul
August 3, 2000
Dear Paul,
I have been a recovering alcoholic since 1992, in early 1996 I became severly depressed and confusion was overtaking my thoughts. Though I was following all the suggestions of the AA program, my life, which had improved greatly after twenty-eight years of full blown alcoholism, was starting to crumble all over again. I even became sucidial for a while.
I decided to leave (state name) and move to (town name), where I had gone for treatment in 1992. It was a real soul searching mission. I decided to attempt college and become a Substance Abuse Counselor, my first semester I shocked myself by making the Honor Roll. I started to question my motives, was this an ego trip, was I avoiding my issues in Florida?
It was at this time, I came across you book while visiting a small town in the mountains called Idlewiid, the book was "Love Without Conditions". Once I started reading, I couldn't put it down. It was as if a light went off, Part Two came out right after that and it felt like you were writing to me. I had never read any books on spirituality prior to this and it was scarry to me. I was meditating alot and asking God if this was what I was suppose to be doing with my life, he answered, I made the Dean's List the next three semesters!
I graduated college and was working in (town name) as a counselor when the opportunity to open my own treatment center in (state name) appeared, it was a beautiful ranch in (town name), population 600. I thought to myself, well if this is where I'm suppose to be then it's alright with me. I worked very hard and got the center open and thought I had found my path, however, that was not the case. Six months later I was forced to close the center for reasons beyond my control. It was as if someone had torn my heart out, and I have been struggling emotionally ever since, I even relapsed seven months ago and have had difficult deciding what direction I should take. I just feel very alone and confused about my path in life. Do you have any suggestions? Grateful for your inspiration and hard work
We must never measure our success in life based on the external situations that present themselves. True success is being able to be loving toward ourselves and others. It is not being rich and famous, having a great treatment center, being a great singer or actor, etc.
All external situations change. If we are attached to them, we suffer when things shift. Jesus said we are to find our treasure in the heart, not in the world.
Be in the world, but not of the world. Lead your life with integrity, but do not be attached to the outcome. Do the best you can and leave the rest to God.
Like Job, be close to God even when the jewels of this world are being taken away. What is taken away enables you to go deeper into your love.
You ask whether getting your degree and excelling in your work is an ego trip....well, you see it depends on how you hold it. If it enables you to serve love, then it is no ego trip. If it places a block between you and love, then it is not helpful.
Sometimes, when we welcome God into our lives, S/he takes these blocks away and for a while our whole life seems a shambles.
God is not just soft and loving, but also swift and fierce. God is not just Vishnu, the preserver, but also Shiva, the destroyer. All our illusions must be destroyed if we are to embrace truth fully.
To give up on yourself because the external form in your life is changing is to miss the lesson of your alcoholism. The real substance is within. It is not in a bottle, nor is it in a posh treatment center.
Love is what nurtures and sustains. Everything else is illusion.
Welcome to the spiritual path, brother. This is probably not the last time life will play a few tricks on you.
But whatever happens, hold onto love, for yourself and others. It is your life raft through the stormy waters.
I send you my blessings. Paul
July 7, 2000
In a previous weekly wisdom message, you encouraged us to be present with our own fears and not give the responsiblity of nuturing to our intimate partner. I am in a new relationship and my partner wants me to express my fears to him. I am sometimes reluctant because I am afraid to show my vulnerability and the depth of my fears. But also, I want to take responsiblity as you have suggested for being self-loving in those moments. Is it that you express but take responsiblity for the resolutions of those feelings? Or better to keep it to yourself?
Thanks, Paul, you're a great inspiration.
This is a good question. I think it is important to find a balance between sharing one's fears with one's partner and taking responsibility for riding them out on one's own.
If we share every fear -- and not all of our fears are well-founded or long lasting -- we put our partner through an emotional buzz saw. That puts a big strain on the relationship. Better to ride out these vaccillations onour own. (Then, when we really need our partner's attention, we can ask for it legitimately.)
On the other hand, if we have fears that keep coming up and we can't share them, then we are withholding important information from our partner. This is a retreat from intimacy.
Perhaps we need to be with our fears for a while -- really take the time to tune into how we are feeling -- and if our fears persist, then begin to share them.
As most things, this is not a black or white issue. We need to find a happy medium.
Blessings,
Paul
July 1, 2000
I am striving to practice Unconditional Love with my husband. We have been married for just over a year, and we have an issue that just keeps coming up. My husband owns a barber shop, and it is pretty much an all cash business. Although he claims most of what he earns, he does skim a small amount of cash off of what he reports to the IRS. It is such a small amount that he wouldn't get much of a punishment even if the IRS somehow found out about it and could prove anything. For the first year of our marriage we filed our taxes together, but I had a really hard time signing it because I didn't feel it was true and correct to the best of my knowledge in the strictest sense of the words. We are looking at the possibility of filing Married-Filing Separately so that he can do what he feels he needs to do, and I won't have to be part of it, but it looks like this option would cost more and might also raise red flags to the IRS. My fears around this issue are: I think it is "wrong" and I feel that if I sign a tax form with him I am enabling him and encouraging him to keep up the behavior. I know that my challenge in this life is to learn to love myself and others unconditionally, and I understand his reasons for doing what he does. I think most of his reasons are because of anger but he also thinks it is wrong that the money we are charged in taxes is oftentimes used so carelessly. I have told him that it is my beleif that he would actually make more money if he were able to just let go of having to grab money and let it flow in. He says that God has blessed him with this business that does allow him to do this. I guess my question is: Is it that big a deal if I do sign a tax form with him as long as I have made it clear where I stand on the issue? What is the best way of loving him through this?
Your job is to be true to yourself and to act in a way that is consistent with that by telling your husband the truth about what you feel and what you are willing or not willing to do.
How that translates into action is up to you. Neither I nor anyone else can tell you what to do. How would I or anyone else know what you are willing or not willing to do? You must search your own heart for the answer. Once you get it, trust it.
Best of luck.
Paul
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