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GK Dear GK,
The cause of conflict lies in the conflicting thoughts “we need another room” and “can’t find one within our budget.” Now if you need something that you cannot afford, that is a painful proposition. But how do you know you can’t afford what you need? The idea that you can’t afford what you need comes from fear-based thinking. It also comes from assuming that today and tomorrow will be like yesterday. That’s obviously erroneous thinking, because if they were like yesterday your daughter would not be growing up and you would not be needing more space. Growth is dynamic. The present moment is dynamic. You can accept what you have now without being limited to it. Things can change. You can change. You can become more flexible in your thinking. You can become more open to possibilities that are present right now in your life. Ask yourself: “Am I willing to move if I can find more space that’s affordable?” Ask your daughter the same question. If you are both willing, then begin to look around. Explore any possibility that arises. You may be surprised what opens up. Be present now with what you have and with the awareness of your changing needs. There does not have to be a conflict here. All this is true. It’s hard to hear our guidance when we are anxious. That is why we use the breath to sooth our anxiety and to take us to the place within that is free of conflict. Then, we can relax deeply and know what is really true for us. Blessings, Paul Ferrini |
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Dear Paul,
However, what was at the time a tragedy, has over the past few years become for me a wonderful opportunity of exploration and new discovery. I was free to explore myself and my own seeds of belief which would have been squashed by the church and denounced as 'satanic'; I smile now. I have read and treasure some of your books, particularly the Reflections of the Christ Mind series, which enabled me to understand the message of Christ in a new and different way. I have discovered the many different paths that lead to God and feel joy in the understanding that there is no One Way. Last night I went to see Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ. A harrowing, but truthful portrayal I felt. The trouble is, the film has raised the big issue once more for me: What was the real meaning of the death of Christ? How does the Passion fit with my new way of looking at and experiencing my spiritual life. I wonder how you interpret this issue of Yeshua as messiah? How do you reconcile this for yourself?. I'd very much appreciate your wisdom on this, Paul. Thank you. Sara Dear Sarah,
Worldly and secular power is always threatened by Christ, for Christ accepts no external authority, but listens only to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Jesus was crucified because he challenged the authority structures of his time. Many in our day have been beaten, lynched, shot and tortured for the same reason. Truth cannot be exterminated, but that does not mean that those who are threatened by truth will not try to maim or kill its messengers. Unfortunately, this has been true throughout human history and the time of Jesus was no exception. Ironically, the very Church that purports to teach in the name of Jesus has been responsible for some of the greatest human rights abuses in history, burning “heretics” at the stake and slaughtering “unbelievers” in numerous holy wars. While the early church retained some of the wisdom and clarity of Jesus’ teaching, all this shifted when Christianity became the state religion of Rome. From that point on, it became the tool of oppression. It is generally true that those organizations including churches that gain secular power lose their spiritual mission and focus. They cease to bring the Holy Spirit’s message of the “inalienable rights” and “absolute equality” of all human beings and instead practice the politics of power and privilege. Jesus came to oppose corruption and hypocrisy in the Jewish hierarchy and I have no doubt he would approach the Christian hierarchies in the same way. He would overturn the tables of the charlatans attempting to control people using fear and guilt-based messages and preaching the religion of specialness. But this is neither here nor there. For my part I do not believe that Jesus died for my sins, nor do I believe there his most obscene torture on the cross demonstrates anything other than man’s inhumanity to man. The lamb of God was not crucified once only some two thousand years ago, but many times over. Nails are being driven into his hands and feet right now. indeed, there is not a day that goes by when an innocent man or woman is not tortured or put to death. Right now the Christ, an innocent son or daughter of God, is being crucified before our eyes. It is happening in Israel, in Iraq, in Afghanistan, all over the “civilized” world. The message of Christ was given two thousand years ago, but the human family has not followed his teaching. We have not learned to love our enemies. We have not learned to love our neighbor as ourself. Until we learn to do what Jesus asked us to do, we can have no understanding of the meaning of his life or his death. Blessings, Paul |
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Dear Paul;
retired meteorologist and am involved in a large number of rather responsible and demanding volunteer activities. For example I sit on several boards of directors and play a leadership role in two of these. I find a lot of my time is taken up around with these activities; however I enjoy feeling as though I contribute to my community. In the past couple of years I have felt a fairly strong pull towards putting my time and effort into following a spiritual path and realize my need to devote more time to spiritually relevant activities. This includes mediation, contemplation and study. Often I feel pulled in several different directions when I feel such a heavy responsibility to continue all the volunteer things and yet I am very aware that in order to grow spiritually in a significant way I must devote more of my time to solitude, and contemplation. Even though I feel that there is such a strong pull in the spiritual direction, something seems to be holding me back. Perhaps it is due in part to the feeling of importance and recognition that I receive from these activities, as well as my not wanting to disappoint my fellow board members and volunteer associates. Would you please be kind enough provide me with your thoughts and advice on what I have attempted to say here. What can motivate me to make the changes in my life that I feel I need to make? Sincerely, Grant Dear Grant,
withdraw from worldly activities and begin to explore more deeply our connection to Spirit. In India, it is traditionally accepted for householders to leave home after having raised their families to become wandering monks. There are many forms of service. Some require many “responsibilities” as you call them. Others are fairly simple and straightforward like serving food at a soup kitchen or laying up brick to help build a shelter. President Carter has given us great examples of both. Hope this helps. Paul |
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Hi Paul,
After he finished school, he didn't know what to do, studying, working, what? So, he finally started to study to become a cook. But, after one month, he decided it wasn't what he hoped for, so he quit. He spoke to someone about other possibilities and decided to go to school to become a shipper on a boat, but 2 weeks later, he quit again. He went out to find a job, but never works somewhere longer than 2 weeks. Now, his friends are also "looking", hanging, not knowing what to do. Sometimes (too often, 4 times a week, I think, may be it's more), they use drugs. He says he is not blowing or using drugs more than once a week... and so he says he has no problem. In Holland it is not possible to "put" your kid in a program. The law says that a child has to choose himself. Last month, he wanted to go to a private school. It's expensive, but he looked motivated so we paid the money for that private school.... which he quit again last week! Last year, my husband, family, friends, helpers, doctors, all said to me you must let him go... Tell him he can finish school or find a job and go there every day. If he won't go tell him he can live on his own. It's a very difficult decision, letting go your own son...yet I think if I really want to help him, I have to do it. We really don't know anymore what to do. Hope to hear something from you. Thanks, Hanneke Dear Hanneke,
He is hurting his mind and his body by taking drugs, but telling him that won't help. He needs to discover it for himself. Then, he can ask for help. Taking drugs contributes to aimlessness and lack of focus. It encourages fantasy thinking and lack of practicality or grounding. The mind moves at a rate that is not practical for the body. One sees the goal, but is incapable of moving toward it. In an attempt to leapfrog over the intermediate steps, one falls flat on one's face again and again. A failure syndrome is established, for which one tries to compensate by engaging in a series of gravity defying high wire acts. None of them work. Instead, the shame and self-loathing just begin to pile up within consciousness. It never occurs to one who lives with mind disconnected to body to try and take the next step. The next step doesn't seem glorious or dramatic enough. Recovering addicts know they have to put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time. They need to re-ground and re-learn how to live simply and practically. They need to set short term goals and achieve them. They need to learn to walk before they run. They need training and focus. They need to be held responsible for their actions, even little ones, because they have a habit of being irresponsible and out of touch with reality. There are many young people like your son on the planet today. They need our time and attention, because they have been raised by television and computers. They are not grounded and do not how to live in the world. They need human teachers and human limits. They need to understand that there are consequences for every choice they make and they will have to live with those consequences. This is a serious problem and we aren't really facing it. In the old days, kids who were struggling went into the army and learned some of these basic skills at boot camp. But today there aren't enough boot camps available to meet the need. Nobody wants to be the bad guy anymore. Nobody wants to set limits. So we have a generation of kids without fathers. Neither mom nor dad wants to give the kid a boot in the butt. Instead, we give them a computer with a joy stick. And then we wonder how such a cute little kid could consider going to school with an automatic weapon and killing forty or fifty people. People either internalize or externalize their rage. We know about the ones who externalize it because they get our attention. But we don't know about the ones who internalize it until they overdose or jump off a bridge. It won't be easy for you to do it, but you will have to learn to set clear limits with your son. You will have to show him the door and mean it. He might even have to sleep in the street for a night or two to get the message. But while you are showing him the door, tell him that you love him. Tell him that you will always love him, no matter what happens. And tell him that you hope that he learns to love himself and take care of himself because that is what is needed. Pray for your son, but let him go. Until he looks in the mirror and takes responsibility for what he sees, he will not grow up. It doesn't matter how many mirrors you buy and put in his room. Only life can bring him face to face with himself. I hope that this helps. Blessings, Paul |
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Dear Paul,
Over the years, I have not felt completely fulfilled. I stay home with our children -- my choice. I have looked for ways to find fulfillment, mostly in part-time work, which I found immensely rewarding. But I still had this lingering feeling of something missing. I have a few very close friends who I can talk with on a spiritual level, and feel that we encourage each other's growth. That is what has sustained me, I think. Recently, I met someone who is another kindred spirit -- only this person is a man. I feel very drawn and connected to him. But, now I feel very dissatisfied with my husband. It's as though a light has been turned on and I'm seeing clearly for the first time that my husband is simply on a different spiritual level than I am. He doesn't really seem to KNOW me, and he certainly doesn't spur any kind of spiritual or personal growth. In fact, what I am seeing now is that we barely communicate about anything significant. There is almost no talking at dinner (when he's home), and he rarely asks me or shows interest in what I am doing during the day. I have tried to give him opportunities for discussion on an emotional level so that we can grow beyond this and feel close again, but he has not responded. I have even told him that I have been receiving attention from other men and that it feels good to have someone interested in me. But his response was "of course they pay attention to you -- you're a beautiful woman." I feel like part of me is dying, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I could have an affair with this other person, even though our relationship is platonic at this point. But we connect on such a deep level that it could easily turn into a sexual relationship. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my children. But, like I said, I feel like I'm dying inside and I'm unsure what is right anymore. Can you offer me some guidance? Thank you!!! Carmen Dear Carmen,
Moreover, if you leave your husband for this other man, you will very likely come to a similar place where the attention you give and receive falls away under the stresses of daily life and you find yourself coming face to face with the imperfection of your partner, yourself and your life in general. It is a natural development in any relationship that people begin to take each other for granted and the grass begins to look greener in the neighbor's yard. The truth is that it isn't greener; it just looks greener, because your mutual capacity to see and value what you have is diminishing. I think that you and your husband need to have a heart to heart talk to see if you both are both committed to your relationship and are willing to invest the time and energy it requires to work for both of you. If you are willing, each of you can ask the other for change and progress in some area of the relationship that isn't working for you. The requests must be heartfelt and agreement must be genuine, not made under pressure or duress. It also needs to be a mutual process, not a one-sided one. In addition, I suggest that you have some daily and weekly ritual in which you take time to communicate openly and express your appreciation to each other for your relationship. These rituals are a spiritual practice you can do together that will strengthen your relationship and make room in it for authenticity on both sides. Many couples have found the five minute talks (see my book The Ecstatic Moment) very helpful. These talks are undertaken using many of the principles of the Affinity Group Practice (see Living in the Heart). If you and your husband did the five minute talks each day and went to an Affinity Group once per week, you would clear away the barriers to communication and begin to build a solid spiritual bond that would help you get through the ups and downs of married life and create a strong family structure for your children. Yes, this will take work. But there is work to do for both of you. The question is "Are you willing to do it?" I have worked with many couples in similar situations who have been successful in creating a second (spiritual) birth in their relationship once the hormones stop raging and the dysfunctional personality patterns of both people begin to reveal themselves. To think that your husband is not spiritual enough to walk at your side or to think he is on a different spiritual plane is absurd! I assure you that he is just as spiritual as you are! The question is not whether he is "spiritually correct" in your eyes, but whether he is willing to address the areas in the relationship that are not working for either one of you. If you don't view your husband as your equal, then you know where your work in the relationship must begin. Another issue that needs scrutiny is your own feelings about giving up your career ambitions to support your husband's. I wonder: "Do you resent the career sacrifice you made?" You also say that you are staying at home with your children by choice. I wonder: "Do you feel fulfilled in your role as a mother, even though it isn't and can't be perfect?" Understanding and taking responsibility for your own internal conflicts and their resolution will help you to stop projecting the responsibility for your unhappiness onto your husband. One final suggestion. You have been hinting around to your husband that if he doesn't show up someone else might. Unfortunately, most of us men are not attuned to subtlety. So, if you are seriously contemplating being unfaithful to him or leaving the relationship, you might need to stop whispering and start screaming. You might even have to grab a baseball bat and threaten to hit him on top of the head if he doesn't sit down and listen to you! Let him know that he is going to lose you if he stays asleep at the tiller and makes work or other things more important than his relationship with you. I hope that you find these suggestions helpful and I appreciate your honesty and your courage in bringing these challenging issues to the surface for discussion and greater awareness. I wish you, your husband, your platonic friend, and your children the very best. May you manifest together what is for the highest good of all concerned. Love and blessings, Paul Dear Paul:
BUT.....lol (did you see that coming?).....I have many questions. I think I can combine quite a few of them, though, because they sort of have a common element. I am puzzled by the 'how' of all of it. HOW am I supposed to suddenly change all of these unhealthy habits? By becoming aware of them, you say, and by asking God to help me. But I don't know how to do that! I don't know how to forgive--just that I should forgive. I'm not sure howto start loving myself--just that it's necessary in order to love anyone else and to withstand adverse conditions. It always seemed to me that the feelings (any feelings) were either there or not there inside me. Either I feel forgiveness or I don't. Either I feel lonely and rejected, or I don't. How can I manufacture forgiveness? How do I create self-love when heretofore I haven't been able to? Love, Carrie Dear Carrie,
If you are looking for a quick fix, I cannot offer you one. Learning to see the ways in which you are merciless with yourself and to offer yourself the alternative of holding yourself more gently and compassionately is a lifelong spiritual practice. AND I MEAN PRACTICE. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. That's what awareness means. In the face of such a practice, all illusion is swept away. Awareness is a powerful river. But it starts as a trickle and it grows in strength and intensity.In the end, nothing can resist it. Forgiveness comes from the awareness that the only person who we are beating up is ourselves. It is not a fleeting feeling. It is a gradual recognition of the futility of holding blame and shame. Sorry I can't offer you a pill to take, but that's the way it is. Atonement is a process that requires a rhythmic practice. Each day you atone. Each moment you forgive. When you breathe, are you blaming or letting go of blame? Or are you even aware of your thoughts and feelings? So, Carrie. It's time to move out of the head into the heart. The challenges are not intellectual ones. They are experiential ones. Blessings, Paul Dear Paul,
Holland, who work with the teachings of Sathya Sai Baba. Your books have helped many of us, in accepting our darker sides, through your clear and understanding words. I have shared several copies of " I am the Door" and "Love without conditions" with my "brothers and sisters", who are also working on the amazing process of self realization. I would like to learn how you feel about the increasing "Darkness" in the World (Middle East, Increasing Poverty in the Third World, Al Qaida, etc.) and the possibility of a new World Order where Light, Love, Forbearance and Righteousness rules. How do you see the near future of our planet and the advent of a possible "Golden Age"? With respect and gratitude, Pim Peter van Collem Dear Pim Peter:
We see the shadow rising now on the collective screen of consciousness. And with the shadow comes the necessity of facing our fears. We encounter everything in our individual and collective consciousness that is not aligned with love, so that we can learn to bring our love to it. It is a very challenging time. Whenever the shadow comes, there is light behind it. If we can hold our fears in a compassionate and loving way, the shadow will yield and we will see the light that has always been there. Fears may rise up, as they did for Jesus in the desert, but love will have the ultimate victory. Right now the whole planet is dwelling in the desert, facing its fears and its legacy of inequality. But as long as there is one human being here who is committed to equality and stays connected to love, fear will not prevail and the veils of denial and projection will be unable to obscure the truth. Like Sai Baba and Jesus, our responsibility is to stay connected to love, even when others around us are reacting in fear. Since love is a present reality, we can place our focus on what is happening right now, instead of worrying about what happened in the past or will happen in the future. Blessings, Paul |
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The Open Door Dear Paul,
I used to travel a lot.... Together with my partner I owned a business in imported goods from Asia mainly. My partner suffered from a bleeding in the brain while on our way to New Delhi and died there. From then on my life changed dramatically. I think in all those years after the passing away of my partner my outlook on life changed from dreamy to realistic. My nature is very lighthearted, happy go lucky and so on, but these past few years I find sometimes, or actually most of the times I find it hard to cope with life itself. I know that I have lots of talents hidden inside of me, but somehow I can't seem to get to them. I have changed my career from being a shopkeeper to finding a job in health care. But even then I find it very hard to deal sometimes with the harshness of colleagues working in the same profession. I am sorry to say that I have come to a point where I can hardly find the strength anymore to undertake something new. It feels like there is a heavy weight on my heart. I can't seem to get to that point where I can see light again... Although I know it is there. It has even come to that point where I really couldn't figure out why, for heaven's sake, there would be any use for me staying here. Besides my love for nature, my dog, my family and friends, sometimes I can't see why I should stay. Why is it that if I've chosen this life to learn from that I am so much in conflict with it? Thank you for your kind attention and looking forward to any reply. With the kindest of regards, Marcel Dear Marcel,
At 23, the world I saw was the world of suffering. Yet I knew of this other world. I had glimpsed moments of grace. As dark as my perception was, I could not deny the existence of that other world. Nevertheless, if I looked for light to come to me from the outside, what I saw would simply confirm the existence of suffering. Since I could not find the light outside of me, I had to find the place where light began in my own heart We don't step onto a spiritual path until we begin to look within. It's that simple. But to think it is easy just because it is simple is the height of foolishness. When we start to look within, we see the inner reflection of the shapes that once moved before our eyes. We see the negativity we have internalized. And then we begin to feel our own pain, our own frustration, our hopelessness and despair. It isn't fun. Indeed, it is quite sobering. And it isn't surprising that we ask "Is this all that there is, Lord?" If we are courageous and we stay with the process, our eyes begin to adjust to the darkness of the underworld and then we realize that it isn't pitch black. There is some pale light there, but we don't know exactly from which direction it is coming. That's when our perception begins to shift. Instead of seeing the darkness we begin to see the light, however tiny and insignificant it seems. As we focus on that tiny ray of light and begin to follow it, it begins to get bigger and brighter. It doesn't happen over night, at least not usually. We have to be committed to our spiritual practice. But in time we begin to see the fruit of our efforts. We begin to see the world through the light and love we feel in our hearts. And the world that we see from that light and love is a very different world from the world we once saw through our impatience and our fear. So, dear brother, yours is not at all a special problem. It is a problem that is shared by every person who lives on the planet. When you touch another person's heart, you feel their joy and their pain as well as your own. That's how you know what the real ground zero is. It's not in New York City in the rubble of the world trade center. It's not in Hiroshima or in Auschwitz. It's right here, in your heart and mine. What any man or woman has done or will do is part of our collective shadow. We can't escape the pain of it. Everyone's pain is our pain. Everyone's suffering is our suffering. But the reverse is also true. Your joy is my joy. My capacity to love also belongs to you. We cannot avoid the darkness. A lot of people try to pretend that everything is light and there is no darkness. They live in denial until the thin shell around them begins to crack. Even a stray tennis ball can crack that shell, never mind a terminal diagnosis or the death of a loved one. Life challenges us with many events that bring us back to earth. The death of your partner clearly was one of those events in your life. In fact, not only did it bring you back to earth, it appears to have dug a very big crater in your heart. To expect to crawl out of that crater and go back to life as usual is a bit too much to ask. Your lesson is a deeper one. Your must learn to navigate the darkness. You must stay in the underworld until you see the light that lives in your heart. The love and joy you have experienced in the past were not just a result of someone else's presence in your life. They came from you. The Source of unconditional love is not external. In fact, few people find that Source when the door to the outside world is wide open. That is because their attention goes outside and they become caught in the many dramas of human existence. It takes the door closing to push us to look within. I wish I could tell you that everything will get better. But those words – even if they were successful in pacifying you for a few moments – would be false. I can't tell you that things will get better. I can't even tell you that things won't get worse. What I can tell you is that darkness and light commingle in this embodiment and that if you are seeing the darkness now there is light somewhere in it or around it. It is never very far away. If you have the courage not to deny the darkness or the pain, you will find the light and the place where the pain begins. Right now you inhabit the sanctuary. It is hallowed ground. Everything that happens there depends on you. There is a door there that will open. But you need to find it. There is no help coming from the outside. Stay in your process and you will find the door, open it and walk through it. When you do, the light will go with you back into the world. That is what happened when Jesus left the desert. The door that opened for him is the same door that will open for you. I wish you great courage and many blessings, Paul |
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Dear Mr. Ferrini;
I believe in God, I accept Christ and I know that I have an inner Spirit. There is a great desire in me to seek the love that exists in my heart and to serve that love. I guess my biggest problem with all if this is realizing that I need to rid myself of ingrained, learned, negative survival skills and make room for the true joy, peace, and happiness that is moving in. Here at the prison we have a group that meets every Tuesday night and we use a lot of your readings as a basis for discussion. The material has truly helped most of us. I just finished reading your latest book The Living Christ. I truly enjoyed it. I do have a couple of problems with some of the material, especially the part about homosexuality. You say that homosexuality is perverse but if it is done "out of love" it is okay. I have a problem with that. I don't think you can take something that is wrong, add human emotions to it, and then say that it is right. I think that's a big cop out. It also seems to me that you don't put much stock in Christ's life here and his crucifixion for us. Is this true and, if so, why? I am a hard-core guy who truly seeks the Christ in me and who with the help of you and others is learning that is okay to listen to my Spirit. Much respect, In Christ, Stephan Dear Stephan,
Regarding the homosexuality point, let me say this. We are all created equal, even though we may have differences in our religion, our race, our sexual preferences, and so forth. Homosexuals deserve the same rights as heterosexuals, including the right to marry and raise families. They have the same spiritual innocence and the same right to worship and to lead others in worship. In the book, Jesus claims that homosexuality is unnatural. He does not say that it is wrong. And he most certainly does not say that it is "bad." If you feel that homosexuality is wrong or bad, then it may be difficult for you to open your heart and love the gay people around you. And Jesus asked us to open our hearts to everyone, not just the people who share our race, religion or sexual preference. I would suggest to you that what is wrong or bad is "hurting" ourselves or others. That is why rape is a crime, and homosexuality is not. The catholic priests who abused young boys were not wrong because they were homosexuals. They were wrong because they had sex with minors and because they broke the trust of the parents who allowed their children to be with these priests thinking they were safe. Indeed, no form of consensual sex between adults is wrong per se. However, Jesus makes it clear that sex without love is addictive and leads to promiscuity and to suffering. I hope that you find this explanation helpful Blessings, Paul Dear Paul,
I am an openly gay man and have been all of my life. I am also a loving and compassionate brother to all that cross my path. Finding the Course in Miracles has been a great miracle in my life. I have been able to see Christ in a different light since I have devoted my life to truth. I see Jesus truly as a teacher of Love. I also speak to Him often in my heart and I love Him as my elder Brother and guide. I am regretful to inform you that the section on Homosexuality in your new book has made me feel betrayed once again by what seems to be the teachings of this great master. How can I follow a teacher that labels me as a harmless unnatural perversion? This is irreconcilable, incongruent, and terribly hurtful. Yes, I have read and re-read that section a number of times. I also tried to talk to him in my heart. I hear Him telling me that the filter of communication with you is not perfect (as I believe it is also imperfect with me) and you can think and express Him only through your filter and limitations. However this passage has put new bars on the Door for me and as I feel it has for many gay men and women that seek the truth and consider Christ their Door. It seems we, His "homosexual" sons have been excluded from Heaven once again! Dear Paul, we need clarification. Please devote some time to help us heal this divide. This is not His will because it is an unloving message. Love needs to be emphasized not any type of acts or labels. It is clear that we have to be loving and any loveless act will bring about suffering, but being gay is not unnatural, perverted, and labeling some people harmless is less than equal? My dear Lord thinks so of me? Is this what I am? I think I am probably not alone in my feelings about this matter and hope that you will help many of us with your healing clarification. Truly hopeful, Dear Tony,
Thanks for your loving and thoughtful letter. I don't believe that Jesus means that anyone is "less whole, less worthy, or less lovable than anyone else." Indeed, I believe that he is absolutely explicit about the equality of all people. I hope this helps. Blessings,
Jesus says I can change my mind at any time. I try to change my mind about the attitude of other people, but later there is all the guilt, grumpiness and ugly adversity. How does one heal? It seems to take forever. I have read that there is a part I must hand over to the Holy Spirit to help me with and have also done that, but, I am very stuck in my old way of guilt, projection and unforgiveness. I am a grandmother now and I believe it is by far time I move through all the unlovingness. Please show me a way. With much love, Ximena Dear Ximena,
If we were ready to forgive, we would do it easily and clearly. So the forgiveness process has a lot to do with looking at our unwillingness to forgive and seeing the pain that it brings to ourselves and others. We need to look at the untidy mess you mention, not with judgment about ourselves, but with clarity and compassion. We need to say "I see I still feel angry about this" instead of trying to force ourselves to forgive when we are not ready to do so. Giving the issue to The Holy Spirit means that you ask for help. You say "Lord, I still feel anger about this and I know that my anger is not helping me or anyone else. I would like to forgive but I don't know how. Can you please help?" And then when life provides you with an opportunity to move forward in your process, even though it might make you a bit uncomfortable, you stay with the process and move through. Yes, it may take a long time, although the amount of time depends on your willingness. And even though you want all this to be over and done with, you can't rush the process. If you push too hard, you will just hold yourself back. Be genuine and go at your own pace. When you knock on the door long enough, it eventually opens. Blessings, Paul |
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Hello Paul,
We were told, if we truly believed that God could heal us...he would. I am here to tell you, I know God could heal me...but he hasn't. I would truly appreciate hearing from you, on this subject. Namaste, Mary Kay Dear Mary Kay,
If you wish to pray for a healing, ask God to help you understand and remove any blocks to healing that might exist in your consciousness. Let God know that you are willing to be healed. Tell Him/Her what you would do with your life if this healing did occur. When you wake up in the morning, ask God for a "healed" consciousness. And live your day from the place of having received God's grace. Do not discuss this process with others once you have begun it. Let it be between you and God only. Every morning when you wake up, ask God "what would you have me do today?" Be God's disciple with the strength and capacities that you have. If more is added to you, dedicate that to the same loving service. Bless yourself and your family every day and do not find fault with your condition. Instead, ask "How can I serve you now with what I have?" How can I be happy right now knowing that you love me, Lord?" If you are at odds with your creator, you cannot be healed. But if you are one with Him/Her, you can serve regardless of your disability. I hope this helps. Paul |
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Opening Our Hearts to Our Own Pain Dear Paul:
My mother committed suicide more than ten years ago, when I was a university student. She hanged herself. I myself found her, and let her down from hanging. But it was too late. I loved her very much. But I didn't do anything to make her happy. I was too occupied with myself. I know this is poor excuse, but it was true. She literally poured "Love without conditions" into me. I can feel it even now. She was humble and little words woman. But I was/am sticking to my own ego. I regret, but I can not help it. I am very selfish man. I have been married for 7 years, but now about to divorce. What does God expect me to do? I'm really tired of living without knowing the purpose of my life. Please help me. Yoshi Dear Yoshi,
Sometimes, we bury our pain and try to pretend that everything is okay. Your mother might have done this. And you too might be doing it. We often push people away because letting them in where they can see our pain is scary for us. Yet if we don't let anyone in, we don't experience real intimacy. And without intimacy, life is but a shell. Its fullness is not experienced. Are you pushing your wife away because you are too scared to let her in? If so, she will leave, but the fear and the unexplored pain will remain with you. You ask what God wants from you. Actually it is a very simple thing. God wants you to open your heart. Of course, if you do, you might have to feel your pain, your guilt and your sorrow about your mother's death. But that will just be the beginning. Behind that pain is a man who wants to love and be loved. You can't open your heart unless you find that man. Hope this helps. Love and Blessings, Paul Dear Paul:
and I don't how to break free. I am confused by two opposite spiritual approaches. One says we should be "letting go and letting God" and the other says we should be "creating our own reality." What is your take on these two approaches? Also: do I spend my time on getting rid of the "lower energies" within me such as anger, frustration, insecurity, etc. or do I spend my time and energy on connecting to the love that's inside me and "grow that garden", so to speak? Can you access the higher vibrations and by doing so release the "little devil" inside? I know I do have anger and issues of self doubt and worth, yet I have had a hard time getting to the "core" of these issues, even with years of therapy. Can people just find a way to love themselves and by doing so flush out all the anger? I'd be very grateful if you can offer me your advice. I'm a loving man and I just want to allow the love inside me to open the door to new spiritual horizons. God bless you and thank you for your kindness, humor, and love. Devon Dear Devon,
While they were waiting, a bus came by and offered them a ride to the next town, but they turned down the driver's offer and turned their attention to the sky. They waited a very long time – several days in fact – and when nothing happened, they all decided to go home. Unfortunately, they didn't stay at home very long. They left as soon as the next traveling salesman came through town offering high speed elevator rides to the pearly gates. This is what I know: Progress on the spiritual path doesn't happen unless we are willing to stay at home and look at our own shadow. Generally speaking, I have found that the people who are afraid to look at their shadowy material are the ones who are looking for the rocketship ride to heaven. It isn't easy to come to terms with our human imperfection, but until we learn to hold all of who we are in a loving embrace, we can't experience our divinity. As for "creating our own reality" vs. "surrender" I would say that we can't create our own reality unless we learn to "surrender" to what is. And we have to keep surrendering our concepts of what we think our life is supposed to look like if we are to see the real opportunities for growth that are offered to us. As we work with accepting ourselves and others as we are moment to moment, we open to the presence of love. We also see the blocks that we have to opening. Recognizing the blocks and surrendering to love are simultaneous events. They are two aspects of the same process. I'm afraid you aren't going to be able to "flush" out the anger or "the little devil inside." But if you make friends with them, you will see they aren't as bad as you think they are. In fact, as you learn to hold the angry little kid lovingly, his anger will turn to tears and then you can hold him and give him the love he has always wanted but been unable to receive. Hope this helps. Blessings, Paul We Don't Have to "Get Rid" of our Judgments Dear Paul,
Louise
When you learn to bring enough love, the judgment has very little power to keep recycling or to provoke reactive behavior. Hope this helps. Paul Not Seeking Enlightenment Dear Paul,
Given that spirituality often is looked at as being pursued in a tranquil space, and given that so little of my particular space seems tranquil, what might I keep in mind as I seek enlightenment in a stressful environment? I am determined not to let my circumstances defeat my efforts to realize myself. Any guidance would be appreciated. Joy and peace, Steve Dear Steve,
Blessings, Paul |
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