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Many of us pretend to be happy, but this is just a mask. Deep inside, we feel wounded,
angry, hurt, full of shame and unworthiness. We all think we are the only ones who feel that way, but that is just because no one wants to talk about his or her pain. We hold it in, where it festers and eats away at whatever confidence and self esteem we have.
Our fear, pain, shame and anger are part of our Shadow. We don’t want others to see this part of us. So we don’t acknowledge it. We pretend it doesn’t exist. But, in truth, it not only exists, it runs our lives and we are like marionettes being jerked around by hidden strings we feel but cannot see.
Our unhappiness has a clear cause. Each one of us betrayed ourselves in an attempt to get love and approval from our parents or other caretakers. That self betrayal has likely continued through most of our adult lives, since we often marry someone like mommy or daddy or go to work for him or her.
At best, our parents could offer us only conditional love. They could love and respect us only to the degree that they could love and respect themselves. They were wounded by their parents and they passed that wound onto us.
Usually the wounding is unconscious and unintentional. But it is wounding nonetheless. Each of us was abandoned, rejected or hurt in some way, subtle or overt. We got the message that we were “bad, less than, or deficient” and the only way we would get love is if we were “good” and did what others wanted us to do. Of course what others wanted us to do was not necessarily good for us. In some cases it was downright cruel or perverse.
We developed a false self to try to please others. Unfortunately, it did not work. We did not receive the love we bargained for. Instead we came up empty, living behind an oppressive mask that was literally suffocating us. Meanwhile, while our pain continued to intensify, threatening to explode and shatter our lives.
Some of us tried to anesthetize or dull our pain by using some substance of choice. But that gave us only temporary reprieve. To keep the pain at bay, quantities and dosages had to increase until our addiction spiraled out of control. If the pain of our self-betrayal did not bring us to our knees, the pain and fallout from our addiction certainly did.
Unfortunately there is no way around our pain. We have to feel it and move through it. We have to take our mask off, look at our triggers and feel where we hurt. We have to understand and heal our childhood wounds. Until the child within us has healed his or her trauma, the adult cannot truly be happy. Emotional healing and real happiness go hand in hand.
This powerful workshop empowers us to be true to ourselves and helps us overcome self-limiting beliefs and behavior patterns. It encourages us to walk through our fears and learn to trust our wings. It challenges us to become honest and authentic in our work and relationships so that our lives are increasingly filled with energy and joy.
Who Will Benefit from the Workshop
This workshop is for you if you know that you can no longer deny your pain by wearing a mask or dumb it down by getting drunk or getting high. It is designed for you if you are ready to move through your shame and your fear, own your anger, and heal your core wound. If you are willing and courageous, this workshop can be the beginning of a process of healing that will transform your life.
The Real Happiness Workshop offers us a roadmap of the healing journey and a taste of what authentic self empowerment looks like.
Definition of Real Happiness and the Goals of this Work
When we talk about real happiness we are not talking about pretend or phony happiness.
We are not talking about the Madison Ave or overly idealized kind of happiness we see on billboards or television commercials. That doesn’t exist for anyone. That is a myth.
By Real Happiness we mean the ability to be true to ourselves, kind to others, and able
to weather the ups and downs of life with acceptance and compassion.
There are two primary areas where happiness is found.
This is done not by preaching, but by modeling these capacities. Some of the qualities and skills of a genuinely happy person are:
- Compassion for self and others
- Ability to forgive and learn from his/her mistakes and those of others
- Patience with the process of healing and transformation
- A positive attitude toward life and ability to see obstacles as challenges
- A belief in the essential goodness of all beings and their worthiness of love
A genuinely happy person lives in Right Relationship to self and others and engages in Right Livelihood, expressing his or her gifts and bringing joy to self and others.
These are therefore the goals of this work.
This work is about transforming our lives. We emerge from the cocoon of the healing process not as the caterpillar who entered it but as the butterfly with brightly colored wings. Our inner beauty moves to the surface. We become who we always were but were afraid to be.
What we are Healing/Transforming
In order to bring something new in, we must be prepared to let something go that we no longer need. There are many ways that we betray ourselves and others that we must learn
to relinquish if we want to heal and step into our power. Here are a few.
We learn to relinquish: We replace it with
:Self Judgment/Condemnation Self Acceptance/Love
Shame/Unworthiness Innocence/ Self Worth
Being Invisible or Silent Allowing Ourselves to be Seen and Heard
Isolation/Emotional Disconnection Community/Emotional Connection
Giving Our Power Away Stepping into our Power and Purpose
Blaming Others Taking Responsibility
Judging Others Looking at our Triggers and our Wound
Stuffing or Running from Our Fear Being with our Fear Compassionately
Pleasing Others Honoring Ourselves
Controlling Others Giving Others Permission to be Themselves
Being Abused or Engulfed Saying No and Setting Limits
Working for Others Working with others
Ignoring or Disparaging our Gifts Trusting and Expressing our Gifts
Running Away from Love Acknowledging our Fear of Intimacy
Attacking Others Owning Our Anger and not Projecting it
Blaming/Attacking Ourselves Forgiving/Being Gentle with Ourselves
Perfectionism Realistic Expectations of Self/Others
Addictive Patterns Facing the Pain Behind them
Lack of Confidence/Failure Taking Small Steps/Taking the Pressure Off
Negativity Cultivating a Positive Attitude
These are only a few of the many changes that will take place when we commit to
our process of deep emotional healing.
The Steps in the Healing Process
1. Remove Our Masks and Share Honestly with Others. Own our fear, our shame, our
pain and dysfunction.
This is done using the Affinity Process developed by Paul Ferrini and shared with
thousands of people all over the world. The process – used in dyads and small groups -
creates a safe space of unconditional love and acceptance and helps us open our
hearts, acknowledge our pain, and walk through our fears.
2. Identify Our Present Pain/Distress and Trace it Back to Uncover Our Core Wound.
Many of us have pain in our work and relationships, and/or we have addictions or
health issues that are challenging us. Behind our present pain are wounds and
traumas that go back to childhood or even in utero. Through inner child healing
work, we begin to touch the places in our hearts that hurt most. As we share
our pain with others, we feel less isolated and alone.
3. Understand the Nature of our Self –Betrayal and why it must come to an end.
As we get in touch with our wound and the reactive behavior patterns that arise from it,
we see how we have given our power away to please others and win their love and
approval. We have created a false self that does not satisfy and prevents us from being
who we are authentically. We come to understand why the false self must die for the
true self to be born.
4. We Stop Betraying Ourselves and Step into Our Power and Purpose.
Paul Ferrini designed this workshop and next one (Embracing Your True Self) to help
us learn to be true to ourselves. This powerful work helps us overcome self-limiting
beliefs and behavior patterns. It encourages us to walk through our fears and learn to
trust our wings. It challenges us to become honest and authentic in our work and
relationships so that our lives are increasingly filled with energy and joy. This work is
about transforming our lives. We emerge from the cocoon of the healing process not as
the caterpillar who entered it but as the butterfly with brightly colored wings. Our
inner beauty moves to the surface. We become who we always were but were afraid to
be. We become real.
The Real Happiness Workshop offers us a roadmap of the healing journey and a taste of what
authentic self empowerment looks like. It provides us with the tools we need to continue
our healing process on our own. For those who want to continue their healing in a group
setting a weekend follow-up workshop entitled Embracing Our True Self is offered.
Participants also have the option of attending an intensive retreat with Paul Ferrini.
Workshop Presenters and Timeframes
The Real Happiness Workshop was developed by Paul Ferrini. Paul is the bestselling author of
36 books on love, healing and forgiveness. His books have been translated into numerous
languages and his intensive workshops and retreats have inspired healing and transformation
for thousands of people throughout the world.
The Real Happiness Workshop is presented by Paul Ferrini in a full weekend format to audiences
of 75+- people. He also presents a customized version of this workshop that is geared to therapists, teachers, business people, ministers, and other professional groups. When Paul is on a book or workshop tour, he will occasionally be available to give an evening talk and book- signing.
In addition, an abbreviated form of The Real Happiness Workshop is presented by professionals
who have graduated from Paul Ferrini’s Teacher Certification program. Certified Teachers
present this workshop in both a one day format (6-7 hours) or an afternoon or evening format
(3-4 hours) to audiences of 25+ people.
These different formats give us the flexibility to be able to provide an inspirational program to a variety of audiences and organizations within a timeframe and price structure that works for most groups. Please let us know your needs and we will put together a program that works for you.
For information about workshops, retreats, books and audio products please contact:
Heartways Press, 9 Phillips Street, Greenfield, MA. 01301
413-774-9474 941-776-8001
or email staff@heartwayspress.com.
More info can also be found on our website www.paulferrini.com
Click here to see a workshop flyer.
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