The Affinity Group Process

The Affinity Group Guidelines

The Purpose of the Affinity Group

The purpose of the Affinity Group Process is: to give and receive unconditional love, acceptance and support. To create a safe, loving,  non-judgmental space in which we can open our hearts and move through our fears.

The Group Guidelines

1. Remember our Purpose: We are here to love and accept one another, not to judge, analyze, rescue or try to fix one another.

2. We agree to share from our hearts and be honest about what we are thinking and feeling.

3. When our Judgments come up about someone, we will be aware of them and gently bring our attention back to the person speaking.

4. We will not interrupt anyone's process. We will give the person sharing our undivided attention. We will not engage in cross-talk.

5. We will take thirty seconds in silence to acknowledge each person's sharing.

6. We will not monopolize the group's time and attention. We will yield the floor to others in the group who have shared less than we have.

 7. We will make "I" Statements, not "You" statements. We will take responsibility for our own experiences and respect the experience of others. We will not assign "our" meaning to something someone else has said.

8. We will not hide our hurt or angry feelings. We will share them honestly, without trying to make others responsible for how we feel.

9. If someone shares a hurt or angry feeling with us, we will acknowledge how s/he feels. We will not defend ourselves or try to justify our words  or actions. We will share any feelings that come up for us.

10. We will stay in the present moment. We will not bring up the past or future, unless they are happening for us here and now.

11. We will keep everything that is said in the group confidential.

12. We will honor the silence, knowing that it offers us an opportunity to become more deeply present to ourselves and others.

13. If we feel that the group is going "off-purpose," we will ask for a moment of silence, during which our group can re-center and  remember its purpose.

14. Remembering that we won't do this process perfectly, we will be gentle with ourselves. We will use whatever transpires in the group as an  opportunity to practice forgiveness.

Group Agreements

1. We agree to honor the purpose of the group.
2. We agree to practice the guidelines.
3. We agree to be on time for every group meeting.
4. We agree to attend every meeting of the group.

The Affinity Song

 I'm going to let you love me.
Open my heart.
Open my mind.
Open my eyes.

I'm going to let me love you.
Open my heart.
Reach out my hands.
                 Look in your eyes.                

Cause we all have fears that we're trying to hide,
And we all have tears that we're holding inside,
But it's time now to let the pain out.
Yes, it's time now to let it come out.

Don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.
God is here right now.

I am the bringer of love.
Open my heart.
Open my mind.
Let my light shine.

You are the bringer of love,
Open your heart.
Open your mind.
Let your light shine.

Cause the wounded child who's angry and sad
Can't find forgiveness if s/he thinks s/he's bad.
And it's time now for feeling our pain.
Yes, it's time now for healing the shame.

Don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.
Love is here right now.

We are the bringers of love.
Open our hearts.
Open our minds.
Open our eyes.

We are the bringers of love.
Open our hearts.
Open our minds.
Let our light shine.

And we all belong to one family,
Dropping the masks of inequality.
And it's time now to hold a safe space,
And make room for acceptance and grace.

Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid.
God is here right now.
Love is here right now.



This song was written  at the end of one of our retreats. 
 Singing the song together and then reading the guidelines
is a good way to start your affinity group.

Paul Ferrini

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