I have been a student of the Spirituality Mastery Program since September of 2004. My association with Paul Ferrini came earlier that year when I stumbled upon his book, Love Without Conditions. As I read the book, I felt long forgotten truths awaken with me. The words from the book seemed to be spoken from a universal heart that was glowing in unconditional love. After reading the book several times, I decided to look on Paul’s website to see if he lead any spiritual retreats. I was delighted to find that he was offering one in Vermont that September and I immediately signed up.
     What I thought would be a relaxing get-away turned out to be a weekend full of overwhelming realizations. I was very used to playing the role of a silent, culturally trained woman who stuffed her true feelings to please everyone else. This retreat was so different from anything I was accustomed to. Here everyone had a voice and that voice was honored, respected and accepted unconditionally. It had been such a long time since I had spoken my truth, or felt that it even mattered, that I kept my silence and just observed what was happening around me for the first few days. Much to my surprise, as I listened to the participants tell their stories, I discovered how every much alike we all are. How we all have had our pain and hardships in one way or another and that we were all there to rediscover and embrace our true self. The sense of belonging and unity within the group eventually gave me the courage to open up and speak. I spoke about my recent divorce and how I was a victim. Once I started talking, things that I had not spoken or told anyone about just seemed to come from a place inside of me that I did not know even existed. I discovered it was the real me talking, the one who I had denied for so long that it took me a while to recognize and embrace her. So my journey began.
     Studying and applying the lessons from The Laws of Love and The Power of Love slowly helped me to identify many misguided truths I was living by. Most importantly, I experience how taking 15 minutes each day to connect to the Divine Mother/Father God helped me to see and experience myself as a Divine co-creator. At first I struggled with this practice. I came to realize that my association with God the Father from my Catholic school experience and upbringing was that of a punishing, angry God who was hard to please and sent people to the burning fires of hell that disobeyed him. Over the course of my studies as a student along with some personal counseling with Paul, I came to embrace and remember the awesome, loving presence of God. This truth provided a strong foundation for me to start my authentic life. This gave way to finding the courage to look at my past.
     I became aware of the mask I hid behind for years, that of a victim. I was so use to giving my power away that I convinced myself I was powerless. One day I looked in the mirror and did not know who was looking back at me. I had been so dependent and influenced by others that I did not know who I really was. I learned how to hold my scared and frightened inner child as I peeled the layers of darkness from within. I came to see how I blamed my ex-husband for everything that went wrong in my life. I realized how my judgments of him really said more about me.
     One day I was journaling and spending time with my wounded child. I was asking her why she was so sad and scared. I wrote down everything that came into my mind. I cried as the truth poured onto the paper. Then I dropped my journal. As I picked it up, it had opened to a page I had written a few months earlier. On this particular page I wrote down everything that had really bothered me about my ex-husband. As I read what I had written, I was amazed to find that the very things I had written about him were the same things my inner child spoke to me. Then I saw that he truly was a mirror for me to help me see my own self created reflection.
     With this revelation I knew that what I wanted more than anything else was an honest relationship with myself. I decided to become my own best friend and learn to love myself. I began to take responsibility for what I had created in my life. I pierced the veil of victim hood by bringing my unconscious, self-destructive choices into my awareness. Each small step helped me to unearth my truths. I started trusting my intuition again. As I allowed the time and space for my own healing, I noticed that my children started to do the same. We are all healing together. We are all growing into our true spirit.
     I have found a healthy balance in my life through living my spiritual truths, working with Hospice patients, studying QiGong and offering healing services to my community.
     I open my heart to hold a sacred, safe space to anyone who has a voice that needs to be heard.