Learning to Let Go

I have been on a quest to be in divine order and to be one with God for quite some time. I have read the books to the point that I realize those that contain the truth are saying the same thing.  I have attended various workshops and have even facilitated a few of my own.  All of these things brought me closer; however, I didn’t give myself permission to truly let go until I begin to study The Laws of Love and begin my journey of spiritual mastery.
     For as long as I can remember I have been in a leadership position. I have been expected to have it all under control, to have all the answers.  I was the one who motivated others and accomplished the goals I set for myself. I was the constant giver, seldom the receiver. I didn’t know how to receive.  At times, I would allow myself a time out and attempt to recharge. I knew I needed more than what I had on my own to fully recharge. Letting go, however, was a foreign concept to me.  After all, I was the strong one who took no prisoners and very seldom gave in. Letting go was surrendering. I knew it was necessary yet the question was, “How do I do that?”
     When you are ready for the answer, it comes, but not always in the way you expect. In 2001, my house of 28 years burned down and 85% of my worldly goods were lost. Thus began my journey to learning how to receive and how to surrender.
     In 2003, my life line, the source of my unconditional earthly love, my mother transitioned, unexpectedly.  She closed her eyes and never opened them again.  My father had transitioned eighteen years ago so  I felt deserted and alone.  In dealing with this loss, I began to accept that I had to let go of old concepts, support systems, and physical forms to be open to my future.
     Of course, letting go was a challenge for me and this fact was heighten by the experiences I was having with the rebuilding of my house.  Everything was going wrong! To this day, three years later, I am still not in my house. And my lessons about surrender continue.
     I had read many of Paul’s books over the years and had heard him speak on a few occasions. His message  resonated with that of A Course in Miracles which I regarding as a sacred text, yet his work was more people friendly. When I heard of his workshop on Laws of Love to be held in March, 2005, I knew I had to be there.  Yet I didn’t decide until the last minute, the day the retreat began, to actually go.  As life has it, if something is meant for you, it happens.  Everything fell into place and I made it before the retreat actually began.
     That retreat helped me deepen in my journey to surrender. I learned to accept the truth about myself, to uncover my fears, and to identify the blocks that were in my way yet hidden by my mask and my need to be ‘in control’.  During the weekend, I was able to connect with the Divine Energy in a way that I never had before. 
   So I decided to become one of Paul’s Spiritual Mastery students. In addition to the workshops and retreats, Paul’s books and his guidance, I am supported in this program by the other students who are willing to share openly and honestly and give me permission to do the same.  The Mastery students have become an important part of my spiritual journey and help me in my quest to be one with God.